{"id":5131,"date":"2018-09-19T21:48:31","date_gmt":"2018-09-20T01:48:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.dia.com\/blog\/?p=5131"},"modified":"2022-06-22T12:35:47","modified_gmt":"2022-06-22T16:35:47","slug":"sex-when-youre-plus-size","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dia.com\/blog\/love\/sex-when-youre-plus-size\/","title":{"rendered":"theCURVYcon 2018: Let&#8217;s Talk About Sex"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Open a magazine or turn on the TV and what do you see? Whether it\u2019s someone wearing minimal clothing, two lovers mid-embrace, or friends chatting unpacking a date at a bar, the subtext is usually one thing: sex. Unfortunately, there\u2019s very little representation of plus-size bodies enjoying sex in mainstream media, even though people of all sizes are sexually active. So, on September 9th, CeCe Olisa and Chastity Garner Valentine, the co-creators of theCURVYcon, took it upon themselves to open up the conversation with a live recording of their podcast, \u201cCocktails &amp; Confidence.\u201d They were joined by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/user\/RavingsByRae\">YouTube vlogger Sarah Rae Vargas<\/a>, a body-positive sex expert. Read on for the biggest takeaways from this amazing discussion\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>*<em>Quotes have been edited and condensed for clarity and length.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: none; overflow: hidden;\" src=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/plugins\/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fthecurvycon%2Fvideos%2F2094659260862570%2F&amp;show_text=0&amp;width=560\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\" data-mce-fragment=\"1\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>The Importance of Communication<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Starting off the conversation, CeCe, Chastity, and Sarah all acknowledged that a lot of women in the plus-size community are struggling with the same things when it comes to sex. But, unlike fashion, sex isn\u2019t as easy of a topic to discuss. One of Sarah\u2019s biggest pieces of advice for the community is to open up about their fears and insecurities. Communication is key to a successful and healthy sex life:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>Sometimes the problems stem from being too afraid to tell their partner what they want. If you can open up and talk to your partner, it makes it so much easier.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Learning to Love Yourself First<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>There\u2019s no denying that you\u2019re at your most vulnerable when you\u2019re having sex. Finding a way to be comfortable with sharing your body with another person takes time and work. But, as Sarah puts it, self-acceptance will open up a world of positivity:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>Learn your body, accept who you are. It makes the rest of your life so much easier.&nbsp;Your life improves because you feel better about yourself.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br>When Chastity asked for an action to jumpstart loving yourself, Sarah was quick to mention lingerie. For Sarah, lingerie is the perfect first step because you don\u2019t need a partner and it makes you feel amazing. She suggests lounging around at home in lingerie or taking photos to remind you of how beautiful you are. In the end, she said, \u201cThe better you feel, the better you\u2019re going to want to make somebody else feel.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"830\" height=\"540\" data-pin-url=\"https:\/\/www.dia.com\/blog\/love\/sex-when-youre-plus-size\/?tp_image_id=5139\" src=\"https:\/\/www.dia.com\/gutenberg-blog-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/tcc-podcast-header.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-5139\" srcset=\"https:\/\/d3mnyo7e05c2kb.cloudfront.net\/blog-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/tcc-podcast-header.jpg 830w, https:\/\/d3mnyo7e05c2kb.cloudfront.net\/blog-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/tcc-podcast-header-300x195.jpg 300w, https:\/\/d3mnyo7e05c2kb.cloudfront.net\/blog-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/tcc-podcast-header-768x500.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 830px) 100vw, 830px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Making Time for Your Relationship<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br>As an audience member brought up during the Q&amp;A, finding time to be intimate with your partner can be tough when you have children. Sarah, herself a mother of two, emphasized how important it is to squeeze in time for your relationship. She explained:<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>You have to make it a priority because intimacy is an incredibly important part of any relationship. When the relationship is amazing, the sex is even greater.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>Another audience member\u2014and professional sex therapist\u2014added that actually writing down time on your calendar for intimacy is a great way to make sure it happens. Taking the time to nurture your relationship shows your children what a successful and healthy partnership looks like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Getting Out of Your Head<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>When your brain is wrapped up in thinking about how you look or angles you find less than desirable, you can\u2019t truly enjoy the moment. Sarah suggests that getting in your head can take the fun out of an experience and force you to rush through it. To those women who feel self-conscious about getting naked, Sarah recommends a two-step process:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>Turn the lights off and let the feeling be there without the sight. Once you get comfortable, turn a nightlight on.&nbsp;Take little steps so you can get out of your mind.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Advocating for Yourself<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Part of having an enjoyable sex life is knowing how to advocate for yourself and speak up for what you want. CeCe, whose mother was in the audience, was inspired from a young age to feel entitled to pleasure:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>I remember her saying, &#8216;Can you believe there are married women with children who never had an orgasm?&#8217; I didn&#8217;t know what an orgasm was\u2014I knew they were my right.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br>Sarah added that since you and your partner are equals, they should be just as invested in making sure you\u2019re getting what you need. You can tell them what you want and how to get it. Knowing what you want starts with exploration and discovery\u2014whether by yourself or with a partner. As Sarah puts it:<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>Speak up for yourself, just like in anything in life. If you want something, go get it.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><strong>Want to show the world that people of all sizes enjoy sex? Share this post and start the conversation!<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Open a magazine or turn on the TV and what do you see? Whether it\u2019s someone wearing minimal clothing, two lovers mid-embrace, or friends chatting unpacking a date at a bar, the subtext is usually one thing: sex. Unfortunately, there\u2019s very little representation of plus-size bodies enjoying sex in mainstream media, even though people of [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":30,"featured_media":5142,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[185],"class_list":["post-5131","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>theCURVYcon 2018: Let&#039;s Talk About Sex - Dia &amp; Co<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The founders of theCURVYcon and hosts of the Cocktails &amp; Confidence podcast sat down with YouTuber Sarah Rae Vargas to discuss having sex when you&#039;re plus size.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dia.com\/blog\/love\/sex-when-youre-plus-size\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"theCURVYcon 2018: Let&#039;s Talk About Sex - Dia &amp; 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