{"id":9045,"date":"2019-01-17T16:58:49","date_gmt":"2019-01-17T21:58:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.dia.com\/blog\/?p=9045"},"modified":"2022-06-22T11:27:25","modified_gmt":"2022-06-22T15:27:25","slug":"setting-goals-2019","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dia.com\/blog\/know\/setting-goals-2019\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Crush Your Goals (Stress-Free)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Written by Kara Loewentheil<\/a>.
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What goals did you set for the new year? Did you promise yourself you\u2019d learn French? Go to yoga? Be nicer to your mom? Whatever goals you set back on December 31st, you might already be having trouble keeping up. The problem with most people\u2019s goals is that they are thinking positive. And thinking positive, on its own, doesn\u2019t get the job done. I know that sounds strange coming from a life coach, so let me explain\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Often when we set a goal, we only want to \u201cthink positive.\u201d We think about how great our life will be when we achieve the goal, whatever it is. We daydream about how we\u2019ll feel when we run that marathon, get that promotion, or have that wedding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The problem is that dreaming is easy, and doing is hard. When you just try to \u201cthink positive\u201d about going after a big goal, you\u2019re in complete denial about how the human brain works. The human brain loves to think positive theoretically, in isolation, when it\u2019s all just a nice idea you\u2019re dreaming up from the couch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But as soon as you actually try taking action to achieve your goal, your brain is going to flip the switch and turn into the negative Nancy you never wanted inside your head. If you don\u2019t prepare for this, it\u2019s going to be impossible for you to keep going and reach your goal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And this is where most people give up. Because it\u2019s hard and uncomfortable, and failure feels terrible, and so they decide it\u2019s better not to try at all. But the truth is that failure only feels terrible when you weren\u2019t expecting it, are trying to avoid it, and don\u2019t know how to think about it. That\u2019s why positive thinking can be your enemy when it comes to goal-setting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that\u2019s why when I work with my clients on creating big change in their lives, I tell them to think positive and think big\u2014and then think small and think negative. Sounds weird, I know. Stay with me. Here is the exact process I use to help my clients double or triple their income, find love, move up the corporate ladder, start a business, climb a mountain, or blow their own minds in any other way. I promise if you start planning for goals this way, you\u2019ll be astonished by how much more you achieve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Step 1: Develop the goal.<\/b><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

It should be concrete and clear\u2014you should be able to know if you\u2019ve achieved it or not without any question. When you make a goal vague or unclear, you end up in constant negotiation with yourself, and it\u2019s too easy to ignore whether you\u2019ve actually made progress or not. Your brain will argue with you about anything, so do yourself a favor and make the goal extremely clear and easy to measure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Clear goals:<\/strong> I will become a VP at my company; I will go to yoga once a day for 30 days; I will not check my phone between 10pm and 10am every day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unclear goals:<\/strong> <\/span>I will work out more; I will be nicer to my mom; I will use my phone less.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step 2: Clarify your compelling reason.<\/b><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

One of the reasons we sometimes sabotage ourselves when we make goals is that we actually don\u2019t care very much about achieving the goal in the first place. We pick it because we think we \u201cshould\u201d care about it or do it, or it will make our mom proud of us, or impress our friends, or just shut up the self-critical voice in our head. None of those are inspiring or motivating reasons. A motivating reason isn\u2019t enough to make sure you achieve a goal, but without one, you likely won\u2019t get there at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your compelling reason is personal. What is compelling to you won\u2019t be compelling to someone else, but I recommend you develop a reason that is about what you want to create in your life and making yourself proud\u2014not doing what others think you should do or trying to act your way out of your own self-doubt. Doing something new is hard and if you don\u2019t have a good reason for doing it, you\u2019re going to give up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Compelling reasons:<\/strong> I want to blow my own mind; I want to see what I can really do; I want to grow and evolve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not compelling reasons:<\/strong> My parents told me I should; If I do this it will make people like me; I will feel guilty if I don\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step 3: Think negative.<\/b><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Normally, when we set a goal, we try to ignore our doubts and fears. We think that if we just don\u2019t make eye contact with the self-doubting voice in our head, we can outrun its whispers and achieve the goal in spite of ourselves. <\/span>If you haven\u2019t learned by now, let me tell you: That doesn\u2019t work.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s not dangerous to acknowledge your self-doubt and fear. In fact, it\u2019s crucial. Because if you are having those thoughts just from setting the goal, they are going to be 100x louder once you start trying to achieve it. <\/span>That\u2019s why it\u2019s incredibly useful to write down all of your brain\u2019s objections. Everything your brain says about why you can\u2019t accomplish this, will fail, and shouldn\u2019t even try. <\/span>Seriously, write that stuff down. Make a list. Get all of your brain\u2019s objections on paper. We\u2019re going to handle them like the boss babes we are in the next step. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step 4: Brainstorm your strategies.<\/b><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Now that you have all of your negative thoughts down on paper, you can see them for what they are. <\/span>They aren\u2019t deep truths about your abilities. <\/span>They aren\u2019t psychic predictions about the future. <\/span>They are just thoughts. <\/span>Your brain is doing what it was designed to do: trying to keep you safe and alive another day so you can pass on your genes. <\/span>See, your brain doesn\u2019t know the difference between the anxiety of going for a promotion at work and the anxiety of running away from a lion who wants to eat you. <\/span>So when you try and do something new and hard, it freaks out. <\/span>But now that we have your list of negative thoughts, we know exactly what your brain is going to say to you. <\/span>Which means you can decide ahead of time what you\u2019re going to think or do about those objections before they come up.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s say your goal is to run a marathon and your negative thoughts were:<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n